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Encountering refusal, notably when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. An editor is declining your work, delivering a firm “Nope.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to rejection. I commenced proposing story ideas 50 years back, just after finishing university. From that point, I have had several works turned down, along with nonfiction proposals and many pieces. Over the past score of years, specializing in op-eds, the refusals have grown more frequent. On average, I get a setback frequently—amounting to over 100 each year. Overall, rejections over my career run into thousands. Today, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

But, does this seem like a complaining rant? Not at all. Since, now, at 73 years old, I have embraced being turned down.

In What Way Did I Achieve It?

Some context: Now, nearly each individual and their relatives has rejected me. I’ve never counted my win-lose ratio—it would be deeply dispiriting.

As an illustration: not long ago, a publication nixed 20 submissions in a row before accepting one. In 2016, at least 50 book publishers rejected my memoir proposal before someone approved it. Later on, 25 representatives passed on a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor requested that I submit articles only once a month.

My Steps of Setback

In my 20s, each denial hurt. I felt attacked. I believed my work being rejected, but me as a person.

As soon as a submission was turned down, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, surprise. How could this happen? Why would they be overlook my ability?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? This must be an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who appointed you to decide on my work? It’s nonsense and their outlet is poor. I reject your rejection.
• After that, irritation at those who rejected me, then frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably accompanied by delusion). What will it take you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I’m no good. Worse, I can never become accomplished.

This continued over many years.

Notable Precedents

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Stories of writers whose manuscripts was initially rejected are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was initially spurned. Because they managed to persevere, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his high school basketball team. The majority of American leaders over the recent history had been defeated in campaigns. The actor-writer estimates that his script for Rocky and bid to appear were declined repeatedly. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to rouse me and persevere, instead of giving up,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, when I entered my later years, I entered the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Currently, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have just published a comparable article, or be planning one in progress, or simply be contemplating that idea for someone else.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is not appealing. Or maybe the evaluator feels I don’t have the experience or standing to be suitable. Or isn’t in the field for the work I am peddling. Or was too distracted and reviewed my submission hastily to see its abundant merits.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Many reasons for denial are permanently out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are under your control. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may be irrelevant and resonance, or the message I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe something about my grammar, particularly semicolons, was offensive.

The point is that, despite all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve written multiple works—my first when I was 51, my second, a personal story, at retirement age—and over a thousand pieces. My writings have featured in publications large and small, in regional, worldwide sources. An early piece appeared decades ago—and I have now contributed to many places for 50 years.

However, no major hits, no book signings in bookshops, no features on popular shows, no presentations, no honors, no Pulitzers, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can better handle rejection at my age, because my, small successes have cushioned the blows of my many rejections. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all now.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be instructive, but when you listen to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will probably just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What insights have I gained?

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